hello, is this mcdonalds? ah yes, i would like to make reservations for 2
When I was in 7th Grade, I almost set an Elementary School on fire while trying to microwave a cookie.
I was working at the concessions stand during a basketball tournament (my team was required to work because the tournament was being hosted in my School district), and, because I was hungry, I decided to use the microwave to heat up my cookie. My teeth were very sore due to me getting dental braces that week, so I decided to microwave it for a minute so it could be really soft.
It set on fire.
The smoke alarm went off throughout the school.
The sprinkler system went off.
Basketball games that were going on at the time were cancelled.
Everyone had to evacuate the school and wait for the Police and Fire Department to show up.
I JUST WANTED A COOKIE.
August 14th & 15th !!!!
i’m in tears
ARE THEY SERIOUS ANYMORE WHAT TH FUCK
I know this is fake but HOLY FUCK. That’s the type of shit I don’t wanna see walking towards me in good speed when I’m in the street at night.
PEOPLE WHO MAKE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEIR STATUSES ON FACEBOOK A TEXT POST FROM TUMBLR AND THEN PRETEND LIKE THEY CAME UP WITH IT MAKE ME SO MAD
are you fucking kidding me i literally JUST posted this
do you ever pretend like you didn’t see something so the other person doesn’t feel embarrassed
750,324 people whose mama taught them right
cheatswins this round’s Battle of Abstinence: Who gives in first, loses! My version of the ‘Kiss Me’ thing LoL
My client is the manager of a nightclub.
Client: Can you do us a Facebook profile picture with XY and Z on it? And on the back can you list the drink promos?
Me: Um, there isn’t a back of a Facebook profile picture.
the second one? i can buy that somewhat. the first one? breasts are sexual organs.
I SWEAR TO FUCK. NO. NO THEY ARE NOT. BREASTS ARE MEANT TO FEED BABIES. BREASTS ARE NOT MEANT FOR SEXUAL FUCKING PLEASURE. BREASTS SOLE EVOLUTIONARY PURPOSE ARE TO FEED THE YOUNG, NOT TO HUMOUR MEN IN BED.
#the literal sole purpose of a boob is wait for it#AN UDDER#IT IS LITERALLY A COW UDDER#AND PEOPLE TOUCH COW UDDERS TO GET MILK ALL THE TIME#IT AINT SEXUAL OR ELSE IT WOULD BE SEEN AS BEASTIALITY TO GET COW MILK#SO PLEASE#SHUT UP ABOUT IT BEIGN A SEXUAL ORGAN
jesse oh my god
Additional stages preceding Stage 4 include, but are not limited to:
- the scene phase
- meme-loving fuck
- incessant roleplayer
- brainwashed democrat